Dear Abby: Parents’ guest bed is a nightmare

Dear Abby My father and stepmother have a vacation home in another state and they invite us to visit every year The predicament is the sofa bed in the guest room is so uncomfortable that it s impossible to sleep However they think that the bed is great because other guests have described them that I find it hard to believe that the other guests meant it I assume they were just being polite We have to fly to get to the vacation home so it s not doable to visit only for the day The situation makes me not want to visit because going for days without sleeping is miserable However I m afraid it would be rude to tell them the truth about the bed I m running out of excuses about why I can t visit Please I need help Restless Daughter in New York Dear Daughter For heaven s sake quit waffling and tell your father and stepmother the truth Regardless of what previous guests have described them the bed in their guest room is not secure FOR YOU Saying that isn t rude If they can afford a vacation home they can afford a new mattress or let you share the expense Dear Abby My parent has gone on to have other kids grandkids and great-grandkids Because there are so various the families have had to split and have their own holidays so we don t have a close relationship with the younger members Specific of them continue to invite or expect gifts for baby showers and other occasions but we really have no relationship with the person it s for I understand we are family but at this point this is generations back and at events these relatives don t even speak to us Is it OK to draw the line somewhere If I go to an event I will of discipline give a gift but is it all right to not attend or send a gift It doesn t help that they usually don t give gifts to other family members for their events and when our gifts have been received there is never a thank-you Musing in the Midwest Dear Musing When you receive an invitation to an event from people you barely know you are under no obligation to accept You are also not required to send a gift If you are feeling generous send the person a nice card and include a sweet note with your well wishes Dear Abby Once a month I meet for lunch and cards with three women I have known for plenty of years We have lots of fun but it is bittersweet for me I am aware the three of them get together and communicate often but not with me What really bothers me is they attempt to hide it from me I m considering dropping out of these get-togethers because I feel hurt that I am being excluded Or should I just try to ignore it Left Out in Indiana Dear Left Out These women may for specific reason feel they have more in common with each other than they do with you and they are secretive about their communications in an effort to avoid hurting your feelings Do you have friends other than these women If the answer is no start looking around for exercises you can join so you can meet new people In the meantime while looking to broaden your social circle do your best to enjoy this one Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA