Dear Abby: Grandpa’s widow left off wedding invite

Dear Abby My son and his fiancee are getting married in a scant months They are planning a small reception with only their closest friends and family Unfortunately this excludes my late father s second wife Bonnie who has been in our lives for nearly years My son has no particular concern with Bonnie but she has struggled with mental medical issues over the years and at times her behavior created friction within the family She has made no effort to welcome my son s fiancee to the family and as a aftermath he feels no strong desire to include her I respect my son s decision but unfortunately it puts me in an awkward position While I m not extremely close to Bonnie either we are the only family she has and I ve perpetually made a point of including her in holidays and other family celebrations even after my father s death several years ago She s a good person but she s easily offended and will be devastated when she finds out she s not invited to the reception At this time she knows my son is engaged but does not know when the wedding is I m struggling with how to tell her if at all Please help Groom s Mom in the East Dear Mom You are not particularly close to Bonnie Your son is even less so This is HIS wedding reception and you should step back and stay out of it When and if Bonnie learns about the reception to which she was not invited remind her then that the reception was small they were not able to include her and if she takes issue with it she should discuss it with your son Dear Abby My husband passed away years ago We were married for years Two years ago my daughter set me up on a dating site I met and married a man I connected with there To this day my son and daughter have not spoken to me I live miles from them They have never met my husband and have not accepted my choice Abby they even contacted my lawyer He communicated them Your mother is an adult and can make her own decisions The majority of my life I ve helped my children when they urged It s never easy to start over but we are both doing our very best I want them to know my husband loves me as I love him It s not perfect but for years I went through great and demanding times Before his death my late husband apologized for the hurt he caused me How do I bring my children back into my life and introduce my new husband to them He sees the sadness I feel Hoping in California Dear Hoping From what you have written you made a wise choice in agreeing to marry your new husband Forgive me if this seems cynical but when adult children contact a lawyer to prevent a parent s marriage to someone they have never met I can t help but suspect there may be an inheritance involved Before reaching out to your children please schedule particular sessions with a licensed marriage and family therapist who can advise you how or if to proceed And then and this is CRUCIAL discuss it with your legal adviser to prevent being taken advantage of Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA